Warning: When I talk about the Boys waving back, smiling back or whatever kind of interaction I have with them, it is based on the fact that I KNOW and am certain that they were looking at me, and that it was not a general wave that is meant for a lot of people, and not specifically to me...

Overly emotional entry coming up. I wrote it as I felt it at that moment.

Lemme start with the first big thing.

Brian serenaded me. He looked into my eyes and sang to me I Want It That Way. Part of it anyways...but he sang to ME. Into my eyes.... I looked straight into his eyes, looked and looked, my mind screaming, "Zafirah, Brian Littrell is singing to you. Do not scream, look at him and smile"...and I did..... Anyways...yeah...and then, I realized what I was supposed to do and it was to pass the I Still sheet to one of them. And it was God's blessing that I helped Lisa pass it to him. He smiled at us and acknowledged the sheet but he didn't take it. And I mouthed to him, "It's for you," and he pulled back his mic, bent down a little and went, "Wait, it's for me?" We nodded, went, "Brian, take it please?" and he asked one of their security guards to take it. Mission ACCOMPLISHED. He draped it on his shoulder the whole song through, we freaked out, Mano, Lisa and I, and we rushed back to our seats, screaming with joy.

Oh my GAWD, I FUCKING LOVE them, man...

*Takes in a deep breath*

Lemme start from the beginning.


23rd January 2006 - The Day Kevin and Howie knew of my existance

It started with me finally deciding to go to the airport with Mano. We waited at the viewing area cause there was no point for us to wait at the belt. And we did, with a big sign that said We Still, Love Singapore and Backstreet Fans - Mafia. And this caught the attention of the media. So they actually went out of the transit area, went up to us and asked us questions. The few media that I can remember were MTV Asia and New Straits Times Singapore. We asked the guy from MTV Asia to tell the Boys to look at us later when they enter and he said he'll try.

So while we waited, there was a chorus of how some of the girls had moms working IN the transit area. My mom included but since she's recovering, I shall not be the ungrateful daughter. But yeah....so was the story. And Maryam joined in with the crowd later and we just waited. May and Choy, the twins on MTV Asia (who are hated by a lot actually) were the MCs and I was telling to them about how the twins will be all over the Boys. Hah!

And the Boys came...and we screamed, and screamed, and hit the soundproof glass window, and screamed.

Kevin came in first and from that moment I was in a world that was not the one that I was living in, before 5.10pm, January the 23rd, 2006. A world transformed, with the emergence of Kevin Richardson in flesh (although behind a glass window) and then, later on, the other Boys. It was havoc.

(Jo later told us that when her mom was escorting them, Kevin took one look at the cart that they were supposed to ride on for safety and said that he wasn't going to go on it. He wanted to walk, to shake the hands of the fans. )

And we saw May and Choy slobber themselves over the Boys, especially over Nick. People should have heard the chorus of curses that were thrown, "Bitches!" to "Sluts" and I was one of them. I might be stared at as an insane girl, but at the same time, they were kinda slutty...And FINALLY, after a long time, the Boys saw our banner and they waved....We screamed, and I thought I was on cloud nine.

And they sang Safest Place To Hide acapella to finish off the press conference that they were holding. After that, we RAN (and shit...when I said ran, I meant RAN) from the third floor to the second floor, positioned ourselves near the door where they were supposed to leave for their vans and (at this time, it was Maryam, Jo and I) positioned the prized Mafia banner. The Boys walked past us, IN FRONT of our FACES and they were gorgeous. Seriously GORGEOUS. Brian actually pointed to our sign, and Kevin waved at us. I thought I was on cloud ten.

We ran out but there was no point cause it was packed and security was tight. Us girls quickly gathered together and hailed 2 cabs to go straight to the Hyatt. Our taxi arrived slightly later than theirs so we got to see AJ carrying his luggage, as well as Howie. Seeing them that close again, I was on cloud twelve.

Met up with Yana and Lisa again in front of the hotel while the Boys where checking in and we all basically tried to make ourselves more presentable. Security was ridiculously tight and at the same time, the Sultan of Johor (or was it the Agong) had just arrived as well. But we were patrons of the hotel (YAY!) so finally we got to go up the room and it was gorgeous. It's the Grand Hyatt man...what do you expect?

We decided to leave the Boys for a while because we knew that they were not coming down anytime soon and went to Far East to have dinner. And after that, while Tesh and I were shopping, Yana called to tell us that Kevin had just stepped out of the hotel to go out and had promised Jo and Kimmie that he was going to come back for the autographs. We rushed back to the Hyatt, which was next door, and waited. And waited.

At 9pm, we saw A.J. rush into the hotel, missing the girls, and we were taken aback. But we decided that it might be because of the girls that he decided to rush up and we were all proud of him, that he didn't stay out late to party and go clubbing. Howie and Kevin were out as well and we waited for them (weak knees and all, with the fatigue of the day catching up on us) till it was 11pm and some of the girls were about to leave for the MRT when the "black suits" aka the hotel security stood at standby mode and we knew what was going to happen.

We rushed out to the lobby but managed to remain calm when Kevin and Howie stepped out of the van.

No words can describe how gorgeous those two guys are in real flesh. The other girls, not from our group, were actually blocking Howie's path and his bodyguard (I think it was Drew) got a little upset. So I just stayed to watch and see him. Howie is an AMAZING guy and a total sweetheart. He melted my heart there and then. Seriously, he was just...WOW...Made no eye contact though. I was with Kimmie and Jo as we went up to Kevin and LORD....I looked into his eyes and I died. He has GORGEOUS eyes. I think he expected me to say something but all I could do was blink, and kept quiet. As he stood next to Kimmie, I was next to her and I was too nervous to put my hand on Kevin's while it was behind Kimi's back. But he was sooooo gracious. I fell in love with him. Hard.

Then, some girls decided to go up and some decided to go to Seven Eleven. Vanessa and I were at the lobby and guess who we saw...

May and Choy running into the elevator with one of them wearing a baggy shirt and the other a cap pulled really down. I don't wanna accuse but it's a little too coincidental that you're at the same hotel as BSB, rushing into the same lift, at 11 plus at night.

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24th January 2006 - The Day Brian sang to me...to ME....Into my Eyes....to ME....

In the hotel room, it was awesome. Howie-Kevin-AJ stories passed around, and talk about how Brian and Nick couldn't be seen. We kinda guessed that Nick must have gone clubbing and had given us the slip.

And they had BSB on MTV Hits and we sang along to the videos. It ended up with Liza, Kimmie and I not being able to sleep so we started talking about the Boys...Nick especially, and we went about until it was 5 plus in the morning. Woke up at 8 to wait for the CNA interview but there was none...got pissed, got dressed for breakfast (realizing NONE of us had toothpaste) and got a clue from Kelly that the table at the nook we were gonna have breakfast at had 4 tables reserved. Ting ting ting! But it never happened cause then Vanessa called one of us to say that Brian and Howie were having breakfast at the hotel.

So we went back and waited at the lobby with the same annoying girls the night before. The thing about them that we got so irritated about was that we believed that there was no point for us to go crazy in front of them. It will only scare the Boys off and seeing these girls act that way, it was against our own principles.

Anyways, we waited and I saw Marcus (AJ's bodyguard and Head of Security) come out. I smiled at him but I was assuming that he didn't smile back so I looked away but apparently he did smile back so I kinda blushed cause for me, that was cool! Kelly and Jaime were contemplating on whether to change from their t-shirts and shorts and I told them that they shouldn't dress to impress. Looking casual would be better cause then they wouldn't look like they were trying too hard. We only went up for some stuff and yeah..they decided not to change after all...There wasn't enough time too. At any moment, both Boys could have left.

Brian and Howie came out FINALLY and Howie headed straight for the elevators. I personally didn't mind cause that sweetheart didn't deserve another ambush by the same girls so early in the day..but Brian was adorable and he was obliging. I was with Kelly and the Jaime and we got to take a picture with Brian. He commented on Kelly's Winnie The Pooh T-shirt and it really made her day. Hehe....When one of them accidentally took the picture at the wrong time, Brian actually told her that she, "Might wanna take that again...cause it might not turn out so well..." I almost died. And the second picture was definitely better. His arms were around Kelly and Jamie and I swallowed my fear and put my hand on top of Brian's. I was freaking touching Brian's hand!!!

And he was soooooooooooooo sweet.I'm not over exaggerating. He was adorably sweet. He mentioned about how he had a press thing to do upstairs so we understood what that meant.


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All of us arrived at the stadium at 2.30pm. That was an hour and a half earlier than the sound check. For some of us, we needed to beg for tickets for the sound check. They are priceless, almost golden and I was dying for one. I hoped Marcus would be nice to us, cause that was the way to go. Hehe....And just as Sarah, Kelly, Jo and I were ready to give up, God intervened. The Boys arrived at the stadium and we just so HAPPENED to walk by as the van passed so we managed to wave at the Boys...and they WOVE BACK! We went to the backstage area and saw Kevin, AJ, Brian, Nick and Howie as they waved at us (a couple of times with Kevin and Brian, who did a one-legged star jump pose that had us laughing). Then, unlike the rest of the girls who were staring at us, the four of us decided to lend support to those going for sound check and WHADDAYAKNOW? Marcus walked past us and we begged him. Not gonna say how, but we didn't lie at all. It was all true...and he asked us to follow him. AND WE GOT PICKED TO BE THE FIRST PEOPLE IN THE FREAKING SOUNDCHECK LINE!

Jo and I were grabbing our hands and although we were trying not to get our hopes up (as the officials kept asking us where our wristbands were), Marcus, that big teddybear, kept his promise and gave us wristbands to go in. There were these girls who rode on our coattails and were all fake..and they didn't even bother to actually know who he was...sheesh....

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Soundcheck....God...soundcheck...where do I start? The moment we could see the stage, this guy bending over the piano almost took my breath away. Kevin was there, and slowly, we saw Howie, AJ, Brian and finally Nick. They played and fiddled with their instruments and sang to us Incomplete, Just Want You To Know and Weird World. The Boys were awesome hosts....very very charming men...and were the awesomely funny guys we see on TV. They weren't faking it, you could tell. Yana asked an awesome question, about which qualities of the other 4 members would Brian want to see in Baylee and that got Nick throwing a bottle at Brian cause he called Nick a 3 year old..Hehe...it was basically fun...and I loved them...fun fun fun fun fun....love love love love love....

The soundcheck ended too soon and we were just livid with happiness. Jo and I went to ask if we could take a picture with the bodyguards...they were so awesomely cute and one of them whispered how we'd get them into trouble with the boys...I whispered back that "But you guys are awesome as well!"

And later on, Jo got Marcus to talk to her friend in Sri Lanka and her friend freaked out...heck...I would have too man...

Colby came from MTV and I think all of us got into the promo for MTV's Never Gone tour ad...*Sighs* I think I embarrassed my family cause of it...

Got to talk and took a picture with him after I hijacked Maryam's picture..tee hee..sorry babe!

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8.10pm. In the stadium. The big screen showed montages of the Boys and I cried slightly, the sap that I am. I decided to screw my seat and went down to the 2nd row with the girls. By that time, the VIP seating area was packed with NON-VIP seating people. Those who controlled themselves, I'm fine. But the stones who stood there but did not MOVE pissed me off. I was jiving and rocking and rolling until...well...the Brian moment you read up there....

Then. through the concert, it was party for us. The Boys were great and and my throat was sore after that.....

I cried while the Never Gone montage was shown. And when they sang Crawling Back To You. That's my song....and to hear it live....GAWD...

I went to a BSB concert. I WENT to a BSB CONCERT!!!!!!!!!

I don't care what people say after this. If they wanna diss, I can shove it to their face, saying, "They KNOW I exist. I've met them. I freaking met them. How much can you say about yourself? I know that my love for them is not a lost cause. They love their fans and even from the last two days, you can easily see it. I LOVE the Backstreet Boys. They are beautiful men. Inside and outside.

I love them. I really love them.

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25rd January 2006 - The day I gave up until NICK and AJ knew of my existance

I think it's better for me to save the best for last. So I'm going to start with how the day began.

My alarm rang at 8 am, signaling a bleary Zafirah to switch on her television to watch the Boys on Channel News Asia. It was not a live interview but an ok one nonetheless...Brian admitted that Baylee knows all the songs from Never Gone and the baby boy kind of mispronounces the songs...the example he gave was from Climbing The Walls...The lyrics is 'No I can't let you go, You're a part of me, caught by the taste of your kiss' and Brian said that Baylee sings is as "You're parting me now.."Hehe...and he said that he does sing to Baylee. Awwwwwww............

And Howie said that his favourite song on Never Gone is I Still. Why? Because "we still need each other...and we still need our fans..."

Can I tell you how much that touches my heart?

Anyways, I arrived at the airport at 2.30pm. Early and alone. I knew that the girls got hugs and autographs from Kevin and Howie at the hotel but I kind of resigned about the idea of getting another picture or hug. My luck, I believed, ran out right after the concert. So I waited and waited, till Fern, Jo, Vanessa, Angie and Tesh came. We waited and waited, until we realized that their flight was at 9.10pm. We were already waiting for so long that one of the policewomen who was in charge of diverting the cars from the curb where the Boys were supposed to get off from actually came up to us silently and asked us if we were waiting for someone. We thought we were going to get shooed off, but she said, "It's ok, just tell me.." and Jo went, "Yeah, we're waiting for someone." And she went, "BSB?" and we were.."Yeah.."..she smiled and started to walk off. We asked her if they were coming, but she shrugged her shoulders and smiled...we KNEW what THAT meant! And she was an angel cause she later whispered to us, "Not so early..." and we knew that the Boys were going to be a little late....

The Boys finally arrived and we were RIGHT IN FRONT of the van....first out were Marcus and and Q. The sweethearts that keep the Boys safe....we shouted Marcus' name and he turned to us for a second, signaling that he heard us. We shouted to him, "Thank you!!" and he answered back, "Hey...yeah..." and Q came down next. We went, "Hi Q!!" and he went "HEY! One for Q too eh?" and that made us laugh..

Next came Brian and when he saw our banner, he started singing before WE could begin singing....he SANG with us....Brian sang with us...gawd.....*whimpers* Then all the other Boys came out and AJ was the last one. His luggage fell but he took the time to look up at us and smile...that tugged my heartstrings cause throughout the three days, I wasn't so sure about AJ...

Then we went in and managed to get a nice spot behind the lounge wall that was built with parted blocks of wood. We just held our banner but did not scream at all. Somehow, Kevin sensed Jo, Vanessa and I and turned around. He WAVED at us FIRST and was just about to turn back front again when I stuck out my fingers to wave back. He did a double take, turned around again, and WAVED again....oh my God....Kevin's wave was genuine...

And we then went up to the viewing hall (where it all began for us on Monday)....and they went into the lounge. We waited, just Jo, Vanessa and I, together with a HUGE bunch of teenyboppers around....we had the banner up across the soundproof window...and later, Nick came out...you can imagine the manic that happened...they started screaming and hitting the window....We could tell that he was trying to look like he didn't see the fans...and I think there's a reason why....like he's tired or something..but it's ok...he went off (to McDonalds we later found out) and these teenies RAN after him....we three stayed there, only us, with the banner...and soon, while the teenies were gone, AJ came out...we stayed calm and he walked slowly towards the banner (mind you, there was like a 20 feet distance between him and us) Since Jo and Vanessa was not doing anything, and I saw AJ's gaze tilt to me, I took a chance and waved.

AJ looked at me and waved. OH MY GOD....

And it was cool....I'll just fast forward cause there were just too many teenies and too much of Nick...I'll be honest...he passed by a few times and I just gave up...I felt like there was no point in me trying to wave at him..I mean, all these girls were waving at him and his response was lackluster....what difference would a girl, who is short, overweight and wearing a hijab do?

Little did I know that patience will be rewarded eventually..
Nick was going up the escalator and he was waving at some of the girls, just a play with his fingers, without even lifting up his hand...I was directly parallel to the end of the escalator, slightly isolated at the end of the window and I just waited, not jumping, not screaming..just waited....as I stared at him. I didn't blink but stared....and at that flicker of a second, his eyes caught mine and I waved slowly ...Nick blinked once and waved back.....and the wave was the first time that he actually lifted his hand.

You have NO idea what that means to me...just that one look is enough to make me fall in love with him all over again. The love I have always had for him has always been strong...very very strong...but tonight, after that wave, I am completely in total devotion to him. I don't care what else....he waved to a girl who is wearing a hijab....I am blissfully happy...I can die happy...

But my happiness was not going to end there...

Later, one by one the boys left the lounge area to get into their plane and they waved...but the teenies were out of control. Our group started shouting at them to stop screaming cause it was pointless to start hitting the window and screaming behind a soundproof window...

And we had small signs that ranged from BRIAN to THANK YOU. Mine was DON'T FORGET and after Kevin and Nick left (in order), Brian, AJ and Howie came out of the lounge together and as they walked past, they looked up at us and smiled. When they passed our area, together with our signs, Brian's smile was brighter than the rest and Howie...o

Howie is a beautiful soul. I was sitting on the floor, with my sign up and Howie saw the signs as he was walking past. He actually did a double take, stopped and looked from Jo, who was at the end of our window, me, where I raised my hand up again to wave and he waved back, to Kimmie next to me and all the other girls in our window. He actually stopped, looked at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR FACES INDIVIDUALLY before he did a last wave and continued walking. (Post recollection of the boys confirmed what I experienced cause the girls said the same thing, that Howie looked at each one of us, like really looked)

That was the last time I saw the Boys. We left and well...I had not even reached my house yet before I started crying.

You can laugh at me for crying, or say that I am silly but listen to what I have to say first before jumping to conclusions.

I am sad that the Boys have left Singapore. Of course I am. After spending 2 days around them, it's hard to realize that it's all over.

But the REAL TWO reasons why I am crying non-stop is firstly because, the Boys know us, recognize us, and most importantly, WERE NICE TO US. I'm not saying that we are the only fans that they paid attention to. What I'm saying is that they recognize us, and with Brian singing to me last night, I know that at least Brian sees me, not another face in a mass of fans. It's not easy to have Brian to sing to you two full sentences in I Want It That Way as he looks at you...I know I keep repeating this but really....try to fully understand the impact of that situation.

Like I told Jo yesterday, I LOVE them so much because never ONCE did they make us feel stupid for showing to them how much we love them. Instead, they made ius feel appreciated, loved and so much more.

The actual realization that the 5 men that I have loved since I was 12, since before I even moved to Malaysia, since before I knew what love meant, since I actually grew up into an adolescent, have been in front of my eyes finally after 10 years of waiting in the last 3 days. In front of my eyes, in the flesh, real as I touched them (or rather only Brian) and heard them singing with my own ears, without speakers on my radio or my television set. These guys who taught me about loyalty, about being patient and strong although people keep bashing you about your own choice for loving them, about being strong as the fans felt the pain that they did when they were hurting, and about being honest and proud of standing in front of people and be able to say proudly that you are a Backstreet Boys fan, saw me. Heard me.

I won't stop with the above paragraph but I think you guys get the picture. So...

The other reason why I freaked is that Nick waved at me. Believe me, it's....unspeakable...I don't have any words to describe the joy in my heart, considering the disadvantages that I have as a fan....I love Nick. I will always love Nick. Always.

Like I've stated above, after 5.10pm on the 23rd of January 2006, the way I look at The Backstreet Boys have changed. My love (I didn't think it was possible) grew for them 1000 times over

...I will not be able to listen to I Want It That Way without remembering Brian

...I will not be able to sing along to Crawling Back To You without remembering how extremely happy (for lack of a better word) I was to hear it live, from their voices in less than 30 feet from me.

...I will not be able to look at another picture of theirs without remembering the incredible experience that I have gone through the last 3 days and smile as I know in my heart that it was not out of vain....

I love The Backstreet Boys. I will be 80 and I will still love them...

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Pictures in my gallery. Here are only some... http://photobucket.com/albums/v367/glitterypinkdiva/BSB%20In%20Singapore/?start=0 Don't take unless with permission.







I love this pic that we took together with Q and Marcus...Q is so hott! He had his arms around me and he was joking about me touching his butt, which I did not!! Hehe...Oh, for those not in the know, Q and Marcus are the Boys' bodyguards...



That's VJ Colby from MTV Asia....courtesy of Yana



Boys at Changi



Brian and Kevin at Soundcheck



Nick at Soundcheck



Brian at Soundcheck



Howie at Soundcheck



At end of Soundcheck where the Boys were given plaques (did I spell that right?)...I believe Nick is looking into my camera but I might be wrong...



My favourite pic of all cause if I believe hard enough, I tell myself that Nick was looking into the camera. Haha...